Oh baby, you unravel me.

My darling Azuki,

You’ll find out soon enough that sometimes – ok, more often that not – life will not come out as planned.

Some examples:

Your daddy B and I planned for a normal delivery. We even spent 4 Sundays just to figure out how to breathe (Bradley method)*. What happened? After 24 hours of labor, 2 hours of being fully dilated and with 2 doctors on my belly trying to push you down the canal along with my pushing – I had to opt for an emergency CS operation because (a) I was so tuckered out, and (b) I was so afraid you’ll end up distressed if I forced the issue of a normal birth.

*Silly me, I was so sure that you’d come into this world via normal delivery that I didn’t bother much in learning about caesarian birth! Had I did, I wouldn’t have been so bothered by doctors and nurses popping in my room every hour asking me if I passed gas!

Your dad B made sure these were your first pair of booties.

I planned to exclusively breastfeed you. I’m not quite sure how you’ll take this bit of info, but know that from the get-go, you were an expert at latching/drinking/feeding. How you got your milk was not an issue. With minimal confusion, you were able to successfully latch on me, cup-feed, dropper-feed, and bottle-feed – all in a day!

My darling Azuki, the problem was me, mommy. By your second evening of life, I still didn’t have milk. Following doctor’s advice, I gave you formula first and waited for the milk to come in… And what came in wasn’t enough for your incredible appetite.

I planned to be a super mom, without forgetting to be a fantastic wife and homemaker. Keep you happy and healthy, keep house without hired help and still look fabulous to all those who came over to the house to meet you. Hats off to those who make it look so easy, and God knows how much I tried. I wanted to be and do so many things for you and B especially… when my body (and what you) needed for me to do was rest.

I tried so much to meet my unreasonable standards that by your second week I was suffering from vertigo (I couldn’t even breastfeed you because simply expressing was triggering the dizziness).

What I failed to see was that I couldn’t do it alone – aside from B, and the rest of the family, I didn’t immediately entrust what I was going through to God. I was putting extraordinary pressure on myself, when I didn’t have to carry that burden to begin with.

Oh Azuki, a great deal of my work has to do with planning. So when my own personal plans (especially when it came to you) didn’t turn out as, well, planned, you could only imagine how upset your OC mom was.

But then I hope you know that you coming into our lives is the most welcome and happiest unplanned event in our lives. You are such a blessing, and all these “not according to plan” examples (and more) are simply grace-filled.

As your third month comes up, this is what I want you to know. Your being here does remind me that I need to let go and let God, but your being here also reminds me to praise Him for the miracle that greets me every single day.

Love you, little one.

– P.

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What I’d like to bottle up

What I’d like to bottle up: Azuki’s smile.

Feel free to blame her for not having this mommy online as much ;-)

Seriously, while I do miss you guys (I really do!), it’s not rocket science to choose be with her over having my online life. You’ll hear from me more often soon though, especially since I’ve signed up for next month’s BYW Boot Camp (woo! finally!).

Hope you’re all well. And if I could bottle up Azuki’s smile, you’d be the first to get one :) I promise you’d cherish it as much as I do.

Stay super!
– P.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Distorted

I’ve been taking too many things quite literally lately, and not thinking out of the box.

This is one of my favorite pictures that I took one lazy afternoon in Toulouse. I love how one (well OK, at least for me) can’t immediately tell where the sky stops and the water begins. However, for this challenge, I also needed to change the way I looked at my photos, to help me see things in a different light.

So there you have it. Not exactly the most twisted nor distorted of photos; but then again, not the usual way one would see things either.

Getting back on track

Hello there, dear friends!

Hope your holidays went well :) I was on an extended vacation from this site, but for good reason!

You see, sometime early December, I was finding myself unexplainably tired and irritable (especially to B! Poor fella). Apart from falling asleep during the day, I was feeling unproductive and that was depressing me even more.

After a couple of weeks asking and discussing “What ifs” and “Are we ready for this?” with each other, B and I finally decide it was high time to take the test. And so, one quiet December morning, B and I find out that we’re about to have a baby. :)

(Oh how we cried, for what a blessing our little bean is!)

Apparently, it’s true what they say — that (most) expecting mothers do experience an energy boost once the second trimester rolls in. These last few months haven’t been as horrible for me as other mom-friends have shared, but they haven’t been a picnic for me either. While I still succumb to naps and hormone-related breakdowns, this month feels decidedly different… Then again, this year will definitely be different.

So while I may be a month late, I’d like to say thank you, for accompanying me and B in our wonderful journey last year.

Here’s to you, and to your hopes and dreams this 2012.

I’m back, and I’ve missed you all :)

– P.

Happy Assumption Day!

I’m missing out on a mini-reunion tonight, as B and I have another pre-counseling session with our celebrant. But I just wanted to greet my ol’ schoolmates a happy feast day!

What I used to look forward to every Assumption day in school:

Assumption Tart! Yum :)

The Holy Mother’s been good to me and B, and we have truly been blessed with so many things – not just as a couple about to receive the grace of marriage, but also as individuals who continue (or struggle) to be closer to her Son’s sacred heart.

Have a grace-filled week, everyone :)

Big hugs,
– P & B

Delicious photo of something I’ve been craving this whole day from Lafang, A Pinoy Food Blog.

To view his post about Assumption Tarts, click here.

Stopping by.

Just under a month to go! I figured it was high time for a newer, cleaner look :) Hope you like it! Tell me what you think!

I’m off to run some long overdue errands, but please do drop by this weekend for our update about our big day :)

Meanwhile… While preparing for my wedding, I’ve been fortunate enough to write for bridal site Bridalbook.ph :) Have you seen that site? You should!

You may also want to check out my last post about Suriya Spa here! I promise you, I’m nowhere near the category of “spa junkie,” but my visit to Suriya did make me rethink twice (or thrice) about upgrading my status to spaholic :P

If you’d like to read some of my other posts on BridalBook, see list here.

Happy reading! Til soon, dear!

– P.